Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
