I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
