Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

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(909): View more from California

that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though

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(248): View more from Michigan

Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!

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(612): View more from Minnesota

That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.

(1-612): View more from Minnesota

I will rub McFlurries all over you.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.

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(956): View more from Texas

Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.

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(510): View more from California

Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!

(720): View more from Colorado

Poor parenting at its best

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants

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