it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
