Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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