the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just made my gag reflex go away.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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