I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
