mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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