i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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