i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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