Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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