I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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