Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
