what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize