Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
