This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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