I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize