i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
