someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
