I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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