Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its not stalking. its research.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
