id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
