So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's shark week go big or go home
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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