Don't you send me to vm
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
