Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I skipped work to stalk him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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