Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
