I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
