Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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