i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
