Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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