he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
