I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize