im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
