My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
