Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
