Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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