is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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