dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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