It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize