dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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