You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
