So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
