I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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