So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
