In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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