I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize