We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
