That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize