I'm so fucking centered right now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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