i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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