I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
