I just saw a hot homeless man
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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