i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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