She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
