So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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