could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
