just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
