Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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