I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
