Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
